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“The most difficult to love are the people who have been single for a long period of time.”

It’s not just because of the high standards each and one of them has set, it’s the fact that they have mastered the art of not being dependent on others just to satisfy individual happiness. They have this kind of perspective that if you want to pursue them, then thank you for the appreciation, but if you want to leave, then still, thank you but you can go now.

That’s the beauty of it, they have encountered obstacles and pain in life, alone, but that didn’t stop them from fighting, it actually made them stronger and eventually made them realize that at the end of the day, the only person in one’s life who can’t leave, is one’s self.

Lastly, the one thing that makes “being dependent” not wrong, is depending on your self only, not the people around you.

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Good Girl, Bad Habits

A guy involved with me recently, chatted me on facebook to ask about how I have been doing lately. I accidentally sent him a video of me smoking vape ( I was supposed to send another snapchat video) and his initial reaction was “Turn off :(” then he went on saying things like “I like you sana kaso sayang…” and I was like WTF??? He tried to explain to me that he thinks it’s better if we could just filter whatever we do or show in public because people might judge us, it doesn’t look good daw and that’s when I broke my silence and told him that first of all, we are in a world where people will judge you anyway, that’s why we musn’t stick with the society’s standards just because we want to be accepted. Second, vices won’t determine how good you are as a person or how far you’ll go in life. I keep stressing out that I even know people who smoke weed and party all day, all night, but they turn out to be the kindest and most successful. Lastly, I’m not here to please anyone, there are lotsa guys  and possible friendships out there and I don’t aim to make all of them consider me their ideal girl.

I’m at the peak of my life where I thirst for what this world has to offer. I’m a good girl with bad habits simply because I have a pure heart and I’m God-fearing and a good daughter, sister, friend, etc. (name it!) but at the same time, I do some things that the society sees as “not right” based on their standards. But I repeat and I will keep on stressing out that IT WON’T DETERMINE ME AS A PERSON, in fact I have already achieved something in my life even after these bad habits.

Now if you’ll ask me how the guy and I ended the conversation? He told me he didn’t mean to offend me or what and that he didn’t tell me that he doesn’t like me anymore. He was just disappointed because he thought I was a “good girl” HAHAHA LOL. He ended up contradicting whatever he said and I wrapped up by saying that he could just come back and talk to me if he already understands whatever I just said because obviously, we don’t have the same mind wavelength (I think that was kinda rude but idc anyway) So ayun, SEEN ko nalang si kuya boy. Whatta night.

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4:47 AM: I Can’t Breathe

It’s nearly 5 in the morning and I’m still wide awake, literally can’t breathe. I finished my coffee last night and then dang, my heart just won’t stop going lubb dupp so I decided to text Ma’am P that I won’t be able to attend my responsibilities today. Enough with that, now I’m gonna talk about something I really want to rant out, the guys I’m currently entertaining right now. So, there’s Guy A, B, and C (randomly arranged) guy A is currently off duty to me (lol) because he’s high up in the mountains to hike so he won’t be able to text me daw ’cause signal is down, guy B is someone I just met and he’s my ideal type but he’s a total fuckboy, then there’s C, whom, I’m gonna talk about in this blog post.

Guy C isn’t the typical guy, we met a month after my dramatic break up with my ex, then we just stopped talking because he figured out I was just using him to forget my ex, so fast forward, after 3 months of not-minding-eachother, he finally confessed his feelings for me, and I, in turn, also did. We were up till 3am awhile ago and we just talked about “us” and how we’re supposed to be. He’s different from other guys, he’s someone I didn’t like just because he’s hot and cute. I looked into his inner self and that’s where I realized what I really am searching for….a guy who’s man enough to mold his future and weigh which one to prioritize.

“Inuuna ko ang pagaaral at career kaysa babae kasi gusto kong mabigyan ng magandang buhay yung magiging asawa ko kasama na ang mga anak namin” as I quote. 💕

This turned me speechless because never in my life have I met a guy of this type. I don’t know what to feel as of the moment, but guy C is definitely on top of the race.

 

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Heart of Worship

I really hate to say this, but I semi loathe people who goes against His existence and is even proud about it. Science over religion? Does your “kayabangan” about your intellectual capabilities make you look cool? Well listen to me man, my ex was a guy who goes against everything connected to Him and religion, he even nearly turned my beliefs into something like his. He believes that there’s no God and that science can explain everything that’s why he hates it when my family tags him along every sunday to pray. He’s so much overwhelmed by his IQ and performance in school that he thinks he knows everything. I can’t blame him, he thinks he’s so matalino and well hell yeah, he fucked up half of his life till he stopped believing that God can save him.

Well here’s a fact I’m gonna tell all of you, “Darating tayong lahat sa point na we’ll just cry on our knees and ask for His forgiveness, for not recognizing Him all this time” I, myself, experienced that during board exams. I was at the lowest point in my life where I was trying to search for strength and support in every corner I could see, because my boyfriend cheated on me DURING my review for board exam. Demonyo noh? I felt so depressed, I just cried and cried, all day all night and missed some of my review classes, not even minding my review notes. I wasn’t miserable because of the fact that he cheated on me, but it’s because I was hurt for being betrayed at a time when I needed him the most. “TANGINA BAKIT NGAYON PA? BOARD EXAM TO TANGINA FUTURE KO TO” was all I ever said. I have nearly given up by believing that I’m gonna fail the exam anyway, but that’s when I remembered Him and the fact that I’ve forgotten Him already. I started attending praise and worship sessions, I went to mass every Sunday, I prayed everyday and decided to come back to the heart of worship. It was 3 weeks before my exam and I really didn’t have enough time to catch up with my missed review notes, so I just studied what I can, and on the day of the exam, I decided to TRUST GOD. And it was the best decision I have ever done. Guess what? I PASSED THE BOARD EXAM and I don’t even believe it was just out of luck, but my faith in Him.

Like what I just said, “Darating tayong lahat sa point na we’ll just cry on our knees and ask for His forgiveness, for not recognizing Him all this time”

Wait for yours.

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I suck at turning down guys, like seryoso guys pano ko ba sasabihin sakanya na hindi ko siya type? ☹️ Pag may hindi ako type na guy hindi ko kasi sinasabi maybe because I’m scared they’ll get hurt and start thinking about why I don’t like them and how the list goes on. Ayokong bumaba ang self-esteem nila, may standards kasi talaga ako and pag hindi pasok yung guy eh kahit anong pilit ko, hindi talaga nagwowork, ‘baga walang spark. So I just let them figure out on their own that I just take them as a friend. Pero feel ko mas nakakasakit ako eh.

There’s this guy kasi, he’s starting to get attached to me pero di ko siya type. ☹️ He’s demanding things like I should talk to him everyday daw and that I should reply to his messages. Parang nong isang linggo lang may guy na iniwasan nanaman ako kasi di ko rin type. Ewan ko ba baka tumanda akong dalaga talaga. Hayss ewan help.

Beauty Essentials

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I’ve been asked by some people lately to post a picture of the things found inside my bag. Maybe out of curiosity? Or maybe, what’s inside a medtech’s bag?

Here are just some of the things I always bring with me (it actually depends on where I’m going) and this pack is from my last nigh-duty’s bag.

  • LET’S GO TECHIE:  Who would forget these must-haves anyway? I always bring with me my charger and powerbank, because my phone drains quickly and I bet every iPhone user can relate, and of course my earphones, in case you guys didn’t know, I’m a die-hard music lover!
  • MEDTECH-RELATED: Now this one’s funny because it’s matic that I should have my trodat and an extra tourniquet inside my bag, but syringe? Seriously? HAHA. I think it’s just something I’ve accidentally brought home from my last duty. Next up are pens, highlighters and stickynotes. Now, please don’t be mistaken! I’m not a student anymore, but these are permanently packed inside my case.
  • STAYING PRETTY: Who says medical professionals can’t use some of their time to put a little lipstick and make up on? Excuse me, but don’t generalize lol. I’m someone who would not show my hagardo self to anyone just because hospital work is toxic. I always make sure that I look fresh and presentable at work, but that doesn’t mean putting on heavy make up. My only beauty essentials are powder, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lip tint, no concealer, foundation or any other make up because I’m not comfortable using those.
  • IT’S A SECRET: I don’t know if you noticed but yes, it’s my vape lol shhhhhh.
  • ETC: Perfume, lotion, sanitizer, extra ponytail and a book inside my bag, hoping I could read this fella during vacant hours.